Red Roses

I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap.

So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding.

"What ya got, mister?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.)

I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"
(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.)

I said, "They're for my girlfriend."

She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! Man, you really must have f***ed up!"

Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except her Mom, who was now desperately trying to assume an innocent shade of invisible.

Benefits of Being a Woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Happy New Year!!!

The horse and the mule live for 30 years,
And know nothing of wines and beers.

The goat and sheep at 20 die,
And never get a taste of Scotch and rye.

The cow drinks water by the tonne,
And at 18 is mostly done Without the aid of gin and rum.

The cat in milk and water soaks,
And then in 12 short years it croaks.

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen,
Lays eggs for others, then dies at 10.

All animals are strictly dry,
They sinless live and swiftly die.

But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men,
Survive for three score years and ten.

And some of them, though very few,
Stay pickled till they're 92!

So shed a tear, drink a beer,
Celebrate the past, toast the future and have a Happy New Year !!!

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all grown and very successful, agreed to attend a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number One. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy Anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor, but despite this, we were able to save and send each of you to college. Also, we want to tell you that throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and the daughter said, "You mean we're bastards?!?"

The Fiance

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study to find out more about him.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks.

"I am a bible scholar" the young man replies.

"A bible scholar, huh", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she is used to having?"

The young man replies, "I will study and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, which she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies and God provide for us," replies the young man.

The conversation proceeds in this manner, which each question the father asks, the young man replies that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did the conversation go?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I am God."

Words With a Desi Twist

Indians are total geniuses. Not only they have an opinion on anything & everything but the way they see & perceive things is also quite unique. Certain words that globally is known for something takes a whole new meaning for Indians.

AUTO
What the world understands?
Auto (n): Def: Working by itself with little or no direct human control.
What Indians understand?
Auto (n): A rickety 'threewheeler' whose driver never agrees to go by meter.

CHANGE
What the world understands?
Change (v): Make or become different.
What Indians understand?
Change (n): Chillar.

RUBBER
What the world understands?
Rubber (n): Def: A tough elastic polymeric substance or eraser.
What Indians understand?
Rubber (n): Scented pieces of eraser 'Rubbad' lost & bought on daily basis in school.

HORN
What the world understands?
Horn (n): A hard permanent outgrowth, often curved and pointed, found in pairs on the heads of cattle, sheep, goats, giraffes, etc.
What Indians understand?
Horn (v): "Abe Gaadi Hata Saale...'

LINE
What the world understands?
Line (n): A straight or curved continuous extent of length without breadth.
What Indians understand?
Line (v): A way to approach girls, mostly in a cheesy way, Line Maarna.

SHOW
What the world understands?
Show (v): Be, allow, or cause to be visible (n): stage performance.
What Indians understand?
Show (v): An act imposed on you while a game of 'Teen patti.'

PICTURE
What the world understands?
Picture (n): A painting or drawing.
What Indians understand?
Picture (v): An act of 3 hour entertainment in a cinema hall, pronounced as 'picchur.'

PASTE
What the world understands?
Paste (n): A thick, soft, moist substance/ often used as an adhesive especially for sticking papers.
What Indians understand?
Paste (v): The thing you try to put on your brush in the morning while you are half asleep.

ENJOY
What the world understands?
Enjoy (v): Take delight or pleasure in (an activity or occasion)
What Indians understand?
Enjoy (v): The joy you experience often termed as 'Rang Raliyaan Manana' Ya 'Gulcharey Udaana.'

NACHO
What the world understands?
Nacho (n): Triangular snacks typically topped with melted cheese & spices.
What Indians understand?
Nacho (v): Weird movements of hands & legs or any part, also termed as 'Indi-dance.'

Idiotic Travel Complaints

These are actual complaints received by 'Thomas Cook Vacations' from dissatisfied customers:

1. They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.

2. On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food.

3. We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.

4. We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.

5. The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.

6. We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.

7. It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

8. No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.

9. Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.

10. I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

11. The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.

12. It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.

13. I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.

14. The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.

15. When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.

16. We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.

17. It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.

18. I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.

19. My fiance and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.

Yes or No ?

Ek Baar Ek Kachari Mein Ek Gawah Kaafi Lambe-Lambe Bayaan De Raha Tha. Sarkaari Vakeel Naraaz Ho Gaya.

Vo Thoda Gusse Se Gawah Ko Bolta Hai: Itna Jyada Biolne Ki Zaroorat Nahin Hai. Tumse Jo Bhi Poocha Jaye Uska Jawaab Sirf Haan Ya Na Mein Do.

Gawah: Huzoor, Har Sawaal Ka Jawaab Haan Ya Naa Mein Nahin Diya Ja Sakta.

Vakeel: Bilkul Diya Ja Sakta Hai. Tum Mujhse Kuch Bhi Pucho Mein Sirf Haan Ya Naa Mein Jwaab Dekar Dikhata Hun.

Gawah: Theek Hai Huzoor, aapki Zid Pe Mein Apse Ek Sawaal Puchta Hun. Aap Sirf Haan Ya Naa Mein Jawaab Dena.

Vakeel: Theek Hai, Pucho.

Gawah: Huzoor, Kya Aapki Biwi Ne Apko Peetna Band Kar Diya Hai ?

Vakeel Abhi Tak Behosh Hai.

The maid!!

A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'

The maid smiled and said
'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'

What is 6" inch long

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

Romantic

Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.

Money!!

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

"I thought It was MONEY"

Caught sleeping together

Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

Think +ve:)

Lady wanted 2 go 2 toilet

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,

sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

Wish

I really deeply wish dat
u r here with me in my room.
on my bed & lights is off &
we get under the cover together..
2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

2 men went 2 a callgirl

2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."

Catch her by her waist...Put ur lips on her lips...

Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI

NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

A girl phoned me

A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

Sardar on phone:

Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Sardar: No this is her husband speaking��

Let me kiss ur lips,
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
"PEPSODENT"
reminding you to brush ur teeth,
Twice a day Everyday :)

Interesting line on girl's T-shirt

Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)

Cheating kion ?

Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

Difference between stress, tension & panic

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?
Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

"If U Didn't Get It Go Watch Pogo":p

A junior needs a name

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name

What's an average 6 inch long

What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive

Last nite i went 2 bed without u...cold,naked...

Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..
cold,naked,thinking of u,
missing ur warmth,
ur soft touch against my skin.
Where were u "lastnite"

Come here, take off your pants and knickers

Come here,

take off your
pants and knickers,get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours.....
toilet!

Always start your day with a lot of S E X ...

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

In a bothroom, boy touches a girl everywhere

In a bath room,
a boy touches a girl everywhere!
You Know whose that boy?
Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.

I want to suck you ... lick you

I want to suck you
lick you
wanna move my tongue all over you
wanna feel you in my mouth
yep, that's how you
eat an ice cream!

santa aur banta k bich mai fight ho rahi thi

banta:- saale mai tere kapde phaad k tujhe naanga kar doonga
santa:- dekh serious ladai mai romantic baat mat kar

SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala:ha,
santa:acha vala hai,
Lala:ha,
Santa: achi quality ka hai,
Lala:ha bhai ha,
Santa: thik hai hath dhokr 1kg aata do..

Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta: nhi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen ke kha lena.

Santa Ko Beta Hua. Use Jyotish Ke Pass Le Gaye
Jyotish:Ye Jiska Naam Pehle Bolega Wo mar Jyega
Baccha Bola "PAPA" Aur Dusre Din Padosi Mar Gya

Jaj : Suna hai pichale 10 saal se tmne apni biwi ko dara dhamka k rakha hai.
Santa : Par Janab
Jaj : Safai ki jarurat nahi bas itna batao ye tumne kiya kaise

Ek baar santa ko koi 8th floor par bulata hai. Jb vo vaha jata hai to flat ke samne likha rehta hai "Santa April Fool" to
Santa likhta hai "Mai to yahan pr aya hi nhi tha.'

santa 2 doctor-apne kaha tha ki subah khelne se sehat thik rehti hai pr muje to koi fark nai pada?
doctor-konsa game khelteho?
santa-mobile mai snake wala

santa=mere padosi ka bacha gum ho gaya
banta=fir kya kiya?
santa=maine kaha google pe search karlo, mil jaye to download kr lena.

Banta Cigratte pe 2 metre pipe laga kr pe raha tha.
Santa : Tu pipe laga kar cig Q pe raha hai
Banta : Doctor ne kaha, Cig-Bidi se dur rehna.

Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya.
Santa tarap tarap k marne hi wala tha ki use yaad aya ki bijli to 2 din se band hai....

santa;mujhe us ladki se bachao
banta:kyo?
santa:jabse maine kaha dil cheer k dekh tera hi naam hoga sali chaku leke piche pad gyi hai

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nhi pata

Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I m not interested in the morals of the sheep.Just tell me, will it keep me warm?

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mai hole kyu?
Santa bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Mai to uthta hi subha 9 baje hu!

Humor is not only fun but healthy too! Heart attack is shown to be less likely to happen for people who have an active sense of humor or who laugh much. Huge collection of funny stuff & fully sayings- Santa banta jokes, santa banta jokes in punjabi, short, new, latest santabanta jokes.

Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walo ne kam log bulaye hai.
Banta- to isme prob kya hai?
Santa-pata nhi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nhi

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...

santa in Coffee shop wth wife.
santar:Jldi Pi, Coffee thandi ho Jaye gi.
Wife:ki frk painda hai?
Srdar: Bywakof Rate List dekh
Hot coffee Rs.15
Cold coffee.45

Srdar got new job:
1st day he spent 11 hours on computer:
Boss was happy & asked what he did?
Sardar replied: Keybord te ABC agy pichy lagi c, O sidi kiti ae.

Train Chali, Santa 1 Dibbe Mai Char Gaye..
TT Bola: Kyun Paa Ji, Nazar Nhe Aate, Ye Ladies Ka
Dibba Hai.
Santa Ji: Sorry Ji, Mere Ko Laga Aap Mard Ho.

Santa - My wife died yesterday..
Im trying to cry but tears are not come out,
what to do?
Banta - No Problem.
Just Imagine she Came Back.

Santa:Train me raat bhar nind nhi ayi,
upr ki seat mili thi, garmi bahut thi.
Banta:To xchnge krna tha
Santa:Kisse krta?
Niche ki seat pe koi aya hi nahi.

Banta: Yeh chaku kyu ubal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zarurat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaye.

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

Banta ped pe chada to upr baithey
Bandar ne poocha: Upr kyu aya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple sath laya hu.

Santa apni biwi k office gaya
to usne dekha k uski biwi
boss ki godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.

Santa:- Chal LAajo, aisi jagah kaam nahi karna
jahan staff k liye kursi bhi na ho

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

Santa: Kyaa..

Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"

Maths Teacher Was Teaching
Mathematical Conversions
Teacher-If 1000 Kgs= Ton.
Then , For 3000 Kgs
How Much?
Santa-
Ton!Ton!Ton!

A Chini was in hospital.
SANTA went to meet him.
Chini said 'CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA' And died.
SANTA went china 2 know the meaning,
that was:-
KUTTE OXYGEN KE PIPE SE PAIR UTHA.

Sardar Apne Ghar Ka
Darwaza Kandhe Pe Utha
Kr Ja Raha Tha ..
Kisi Ne Poocha
Sardar g Kithy Ja Rhy Ho ???
Sardar g Ne Kaha:
Tala Khulwane ...

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukda Utha Kar Use Gaur Se Dekh Raha Tha.

Banta- Kya Dekh Rahe He??

Santa- Dekh Raha Hu Ye Leak Kaha Se Ho Raha He!!

Santa aur us Banta tange mai beth kr ja rhe the
k achanak ghodi ne gobar kr dia.
.
Yeh dekh kr santa banta se kehne laga
dekho dunia kitni tezi se tarki kr rhi hai
yaha bi kima nikalne ki mashin laga di.

BantaSingh: "Yaar Santa,
Last Year The Name-Plate Outside ur House Read Santa Singh B.A.
This Year It Read Santa Singh M.A.,
Wen Did u Finish urs Masters Degree?
Santa Singh: "You Don''t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Den I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again

Santa In a Plane
Feels Vomiting & ask 4 a
Vomit Bag, Air Hostess
Gives Him The Bag After
Few Minutes When She
Comes Back Evry1 Was
Vomiting Except Sardar g
She Was Surprisd & Askd
"Santa g In Sab ko Kia Hua?"
Santa: "Me Ulti Kiti Ena Lokan
Nu Buri Lagi Te Me Wapis Pee Gya ...

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol..

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?
FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.
SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.
Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:
Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?
Sardarni: Sardarji, sirf yehi apka bacha hai.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...!

A MAN TO SANTA-- UR FRND IS KISSING UR WIFE IN UR HOME,
HE RUSHES TO HIS HOME
AND COME WITH IN HALF AN HOUR N
SLAPPED TAT MAN N SAID--
HE WAS NOT MY FRND..

Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi
To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya
Aur Niche Likha
"COMING SOON

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?
Banta-Recording this babys voice.
Santa-Why?
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this..

Santa Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala
Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

Kyun...

Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The..

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.

Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya.

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then a Little Santa spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Sardarji: Me E-Mail bnana hu. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha.

Sardarji Friend : Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

Santa was riding on a horse,
He jumped the red light & a cop whistles'
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says,

"Le Karle Number Note"..

Inspector 2 Santa:
Phansi Se Pehly, Bata Teri Aakhri
Khwahish Kia Ha?
Santa:Mery Pair Uper Or Sir Neechy kr
K Phansi De Do-:)

Santa and Banta in Examination Hall:
Santa: Exam Sheet pe Starting main kya likh Don?

Banta: "Is Answer Sheet Pe jo bhi likha hoga Wo kisi Ques aur Teacher aur School se related nahin hain And ye sub imiginary aur iska ksi se koi Sarokar Nahin Hai"

Santa k Ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki Tasvir Lagi hui Thi.
Banta: Ye Kyon Laga Rakhi Hai?
Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA Lene Gaya Tha.
Dukandar ne Kaha Ye LATEST Hai. :-)

Santa to Banta: I have One Good News One Bad News.
Good News is That:Meri biwi ka ACCEDENT ho gaya.
Banta: Aur Bad News?
Santa: Woh ek SAPNA tha. :-(

Santa Aur Banta Ne Zindagi Mai Pehli Baar Rickshaw Dekha.
Santa: Dekho Kitna Chhota Tanga.
Banta: Haan!
Aur Gadha to Dekho,
Aadmi Jaisa Dikhta Hai. :-)

Santa: Mere Pass Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
Tumhare Paas Kya Hai?

Banta: Mere Pass Bhi Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
.
.
Santa: To Saaley Apni Maa Kiske Paas Hai?

1 Aadmi Santa ki Betay Se Puchhta Hai:
Beta Papa Ghar Main Hain?

Santa Ka Beta Sprite Pete Huye
Uncle Seedha Bolo Mummy Se Milna Hai.

Seedhi Baat No Bakwas. :-)

Santa On 60th Birthday:
Banta: Ye Cake Pe Bulb Q Lagaya Hai?
Santa: 60 Candles Lagane Me Mushkil Ho Rahi Thi.
.
.
Isliye 60 Watt k Bulb Laga Diya.

Santa: Mobile me kuch MP3 Songs Load karwana hai.

Servicing Man: Memory card hai?

Santa: Nahi! Ration Card chalega kya?

Santa sitting on the roadside:
Banta asks y r u wasting time?

Santa: I'm taking revenge?
Banta: How?

Santa: Waqt ne mujhe barbad kia he, ab mein waqt ko barbad karta hun.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying:

O God! I have lost my hand , oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Pappu: What''s the difference between Confidence and Confidential?

Santa: u r my son I''m Confident. ur friend is also my son, that''s Confidential.

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

Santa: Salea Morniya char liya, meri bari no more.

Santa ws getting bitten by mosquitoes d whole night.
He got irritated… Drank poison said, “ab kato salo, sb maroge!”

Patient: Santa, ye phulo ki mala kis k liye?
Santa: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nhi to tmhare liye.

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black tie only !
At the party, Banta ws vry shocked 2 see othr ppl wearing suits also !!!!!!

Santa ( to his son ) : Itne km marks? do thappad marne chayiye.......!
Santa's son : Haan papa.. chalo...mene us master ka ghr dekha hai.....!

Santa nd Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paji, ye log ball se kya kr rhe hai?
Banta : goal kr rhe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paji ball to pehle se gol hai , or kitni gol Krenge?"

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran awy
Sardar ran 2 catch d donkey.
He saw a zebra & startd beating it & said
"SALA Tracksuit pahn k dhoka De raha hai".

Girl:- Jaldi khidki se kudo, papa aa gye hai.
Boy:- Lekin ye 13v mnzil hai,
Girl:- Janu ye shagun - apshagun sochne ka waqt nhi hai jaldi kudo.

Santa-Beta agr tm fail ho jao to mujhe papa mt kehna
(Some days later)
Papa-Bete result ka kya hua?
Santa-Dimag kharab mt kr "MangiLal

Santa: Agr tmhe kuch ho gya to mai Pagal ho jaunga.
Jeto: Dusri shadi to nhi kroge?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kr skta hai..

Masterji: kl school kyu nhi aya.
Santa: Gir gya tha or lg gayi.
Masterji: kaha gire, kaha lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur ANKH lg gyi..

Santa: "God, if u give me 100 rs, I will donate 50 rs in tmpl".

(After waliking sm distance, he finds a 50 rs note)

Santa: "Shame on u God, u don't even trust me a little? u hv already takn ur share!"

Master: Mai tenu kutte pe essay likhne ho
keha tha, Likh k kyu nhi liya ?
Santa: Ki krda master g,
kahi bhi mai kutte pe Pen rkha wo bhagya!!!

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they r studying him!

Banta: Truck dekhkr tm kapte kyu ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekr bhag gya tha, hr bar lgta hai jaise usko vaps krne aya hai.

One day Sardar went to a shop.
.
.
.
.
Let him go. You do ur job. Always dont expect jokes on him..

Santa:Papa aaj meri Girl4nd ki birhday he. Use kya du..?
Papa:Dekhne me kaisi hai?
Santa:Mast hai..
Papa:Mera mobile number de de!

Sardar to his friend.. I kiss my wife everyday before i go to office..

& u?

Friend: i kiss ur wife after u go to office.
Sardar: ha ha ha..i m the first..

1 Chor Santa ka mobile le k bhag raha tha
Santa:Bhag sale Bhag bhag
Charger toh mere pas hai

2 men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.
Santa:What does your wife look like?
Banta:She is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair, and yours?
Santa: Forget mine, let us look for yours.

Santa: Will U marry, after I die.
Jeeto: No, I will live with my sister. Jeeto: Will U marry, after I die.
Santa: No, I will also live with your sister.

Judge: Why were u arrested?
Santa: For shopping early.
Judge: Well, that's not a crime. Anyway, how early were u shopping?
Santa: Before the shop opened.

SANTA Ur son is Dead.Aftr Hearing Dis Santa jumps frm 50th floor.
Wen he reachd 35th Flr he think "I dnt hav Son"
20th Floor:
I'm not married
&
3rd Floor:
Shit! I'm BANTA.

Santa: Mere pass gaddi,bungla,paisa hai..tere pass kya hai?

Banta:Mere pass bhi gaddi,bungla,paisa hai

Santa:Mar gaye..Phir apni Maa kiske pass hai?

Sardar is driving a jeep in jungle.

Tourist: If lion follows very close to us then how can we escape?
Sardar:Give right indicator & take left turn.:-)

Santa traveling in a train gets down in evry station n buy ticket 4 next station.Guess Why?
Bcoz doctor told 2 him avoid Long Journey

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta ' s wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour

Santa: "Madam these undergarments will look nice on U"
Lady: How can U be so sure?
Santa: i'have done diploma in interior designing

Once Santa was trying 2 impress a young lady.

Santa:I have seen u some where.

Lady:Possible,i am a nurse working in MENTAL HOSPITAL!!

Santa: Give Me An Idea
To Become Poor
Banta: Make A Hindi
Film With Himesh As
Hero ..
Santa: I Asked Idea To
Become Poor Not A
Beggar .. ;->

Santa: Why Do Girls Look Beautiful? Is It Real Or Due To Make Up?
Banta: All False.
Girls Look Beautiful Because Boys Have Good Imagination

Teacher: Who's A Terrorist?

Santa: Terrorist Is A Tourist Who Comes From Other CouNtry To Celebrate Diwali iN Our CouNtry.

Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ?
I thought..i thought ..i thought about it and wrote THUNK ;-)

Computer teacher to sardar:What are the three latest versions of java ? Sardar: . . . . . . . . MarJava,MitJava,LutJava...

Friend to sardar:
Yar Sir Ka Msg Aaya Hai K Aaj Extra Class Hogi Kya Karun?
.
.
..
...Sardar:-'Message sending failed' likh ke bhej de....

Ek sardar ko koi mobile pe tang kar raha tha, Sardar ne new sim khareed kar usko sms kiya: "MAINE WO NUMBER BAND KAR DIYA HAI AB TERA BAAP BHI MUJHE TANG NAHI KAR SAKTA "

Sardar:Mere liye koi achi si larki ka rishta bata. Friend:Yaar ek larki hai B.com ki, Sardar:Yaar Qom koi bhi ho par larki parhi likhi honi chahiye.

Pathan:Yaar tum subha se zameen khod rahe ho kya baat hai aakhir ? . . . Sardar:Yaar abba kehta hai maine unka naam mitti mein mila dia hai so mein wohi dhoond raha hun.

Sardar: Kal koi mera purse maar gaya us mein 2000 rupees thy, Pathan: Jhooty,1500 thy maine ghar ja kar khud giny thy. Sardar: Paise ka masla nahi hai bas tum admi ka pata karo.

Santa Shouting 2 His GF
" U Said V Will Do Register
Marriage And Cheated Me,
I Was Waiting 4 U
Yesterday Whole Day
In The Post Office...."

Sardar Ki Maa
Puttar Tujhay Yahan Se
Jalindhar Janay Mein 1 Din Laga
Aur
Wapas Aanay Mein 3 Din Wo B Naye Car Se
Srdar : Maa Ye Car Bananay Wale Bhi
Pagal Hein Janay K Liay 4 Gear
Or Aanay Ke Liay Sirf 1 (Revers) Gear.

Teacher:Wo Kon C Cheez Hay
Jo Insan Ke Izzat Ko Mazbooti

Say Jakray Rakhti Hay?
Sardar Je: MISS

"NARRA":-)

Santa- Yaar!
A Auratein Sharab
Se Nafrat Q Karati Hai?
Banta- Islye Ki,
Sharab Pine Ke
Baad Chuhe Jaisa
Pati Bhi Sher
Ho Jata Hai.

A Sardar Prays Daily For 2 Hours
"Hey Vahey Guru Meri Lottery Lagade.
After 11 Yrs Vaheguru Angrily Appears &
Says
-Oey Uloo De Pathay Ticket To Le Le.

Santa-Oye Kya Kr Raha Ho?
Banta-Is Baby Ki Aawaz Record Kr Raha Hun!
Santa-Kyun?
Banta-Wo Jab Bada Ho Jaega,Use Iska Matlab Puchunga

Santa - Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai,
Sara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.
Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega
To Makaan Maalik Ka,
Hum To Kirayedar Hain..

SArdar In UK Hotel Khana Khane Gia

Wo Murgi Khana Chahta Tha Lekin Murgi Ki English Bhol Gia

Thy Askd Wht Do U Want SRdar G?

SArdar Replid: Éggs'' Mother

Read More Latest Indian & Desi -

Santa Invested 2 Lakhs
In A Business And Suffered Huge Losses.
Do U Know What The Business Was?
He Opened A Saloon In Punjab!

Santa:Mujhe Tou Aankhey

Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.

Banta:Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?

Santa:Andhera.

Sardar: Yar Mere Bal Boht Gir Rahe Hain

Frnd: Wo Kyun?

Sardar: Fikr Se?

Frnd: Konsi Fikr Hai Tume?

Sardar: Bal Girne Ki Fikr Se:-)

Santa Ne Bus Me Ek Ladki Ko Chhed Diya.

Ladki- Tumhare Ghar Me Maa Behen Nahi He Kya??

Santa- Kya Pata Me To Subah Se Ghar Se Bahar Hu..

Donate eyes!
Love is bLiNd

2013

Ek mai aur ek tu

Ek mai aur ek tu...
Tere peeche peeche mai.....mere aage aage tu...

Iska matlab bata..

Iska matalb Mai Teri gaand maar raha hu
013

LarkiAfter sex to boyfriend kash mere bLUNDhota

Larki.After sex to boyfriend kash mere b"LUND"hota

Boy.kya hua

Larki.Hsrat se boli
Kuch Nhi bus tum ko Chod k btati k Chodte kese hai??
201
Maanga Bhi To Kya Maanga

SantaKe Ghar Ek Kuttiya Thi Aur Vo Pregnant Thi,
Santa Roj Bhagwan Se Prathna Karta Tha Ke: “Hey Bhagwan Kutta Ya Kuttiya Hi Ho”
Banta Ne Ek Din Use Ye Kahte Suna To Badi Hairani Se Bola.
Banta: “Abe Is mein Mangne Wali Kya Baat Hai? Kutta Ya Kutti Hi To Honge”
Santa Sharmate Hue: “Nahi Yaar, Beech-BeechMein Main Bhi Pange Le Liya Karta Tha“
2013

India Is The Only Place Where

Anyone Driving Faster Than You Is: “Saala Bhonsdika Marega”
Anyone Driving Slower Than You Is: “Saala Chutiya Garden Mein Chala Raha Hai”
And Anyone Driving Parallel To You Is: “”Behnchod Baap Se Race Lagata Hai“

How To Satisfy A Man & Woman

According ToWilliam Sexfear’sResearch
How To Satisfy A Woman: “Caress, Excite, Cuddle, Fascinate, Spoil, Kiss, Rub, Tease, Pamper, Console, Worship, Respect & Love.”
How To Satisfy A Man: “Give Him ABlow Job“by sushil

Ishq Chupta Nahi, Jitna Marzi Chupa Lo

Ladke Ne Apni Nayi Bani Girl-Friend Ko Bade Pyar Se Samjhate Hue Kaha.
Boy: “Darling Humhare Pyaar Ke Baare Me Kisi Ko Kuch Mat Batana”
Girl: “Aapki Bahan Ko To Zarur Bataongi”
Boy: “Arrey Usko Kyu?”
Girl: “Kamini Kahti Thi KoiKutte Ka PillaHi Hoga Jo Tum Se Pyaar Karega.“

In london a parrot used 2 say in the morning.
“Wake Up Sir You Have To Go To Work”
Man Got Transferred To India Now Parrot Says
“Uth Ja Bhosdi Ke,Aaj Gaand Marvane Nahi Jana Kya? Ek dum phadu.

SEP

2013

Bunty- Ramu ek saath kitni balti utha sakte ho

Bunty- Ramu ek saath kitni balti utha sakte ho???

Ramu- 2 balti, ek left hand me aur ek right hand me.?

Bunty - chutiye Ramu,main 3 balti utha sakta hu.?

Ramu- kaise??

Bunty-ek left hand se ,ek right hand se aur ek apne lode pe.?

Ramu sochta hai is gandmare Bunty ka kuch karna padega ,vo bolta hai sir main ek saath5 balti utha sakta ho.?

Bunty - kaise??

Ramu- ek left hand se ,ek right hand se aur baki aapko apne lode pe baitha ke.?
Bunty shocked!!Ramu Rocked!!

0
Nipple Nipple Little Star

Nipple Nipple Little Star
Can I fuck U in My Car
Up above Ur Boobs So High
Always milky Never dry
Let Me Press it
Don't feel Shy
Open Ur Panty
Let Me Try ???
?????????

Patient Gand Main Dard Hai

Patient: Gand Main Dard Hai

Dr: Main Hath Dalta Hoon Batana Kahan Hain

Patient: Andar Aur Andar, Aur Andar, Han Yahan

Dr : Behen ke laude, tera To Gala Kharab he.

Dog is doing sex

Dog is doing sex:
SON: Dad ye kya ho raha hai?DAD: Peche wala kutta sahara lekar chal raha hai.
SON: kalyug hai jise sahara do wahi GAND mar leta hai...!!

funny

Aisi kon si jagah h jaha ladka or ladki dono k baal ghungrale hote h....
socho...
.
.
.
..
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.

.
.
.
.dirty mind....
south Africa...

hehehe....

Duniya ka sabse badnasib pati kuon hai.
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
Jiska patni ka naam SAVITA hai.????
JISKO SAMJA WO LIKE KARO BAKI POGO DEKHO POGO..

SEP

2013

Ek dum Phadu

Tawaif.sex karoge khush kar dungi.
Sushil.karoonga lekin meri bibi ki tarah karwna padega.
Tawaif.wo kaise karwati hai.
Sushil.free main.

SEP

2013

Dhansu latest Ye chodan pur ki basti hai

Ye chodan pur ki basti hai
Yah choot lund se sasti hai.
Jab raat ke 12 bajte hain.
Sab lund pukara karte hain
Ehsaan kisi ka lete nahi
Hathon se gujara karte hain
Jab yaad chuton ki aati
Uth uth dobara karte hain

SEP

2013

Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA

? Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!

Teacher: What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives?
Pappu: Daddy.

Banta to his wife, Preeto: Dear, you are the best woman in the world. Yesterday I got convinced of this once again.

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.

A man phoned & asked: Hello, is it 221714?
Jeeto: Hindi me bolo.
Mano-Do-Ek-Sat ****a?
Jeeto: Nahi Sir, Teen-Teen-Ek-Sat ****a, 331714.

In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.

SEP

2013

Nipple se tapak raha pasina

Nipple se tapak raha pasina,
.
Nipple se tapak raha pasina..
.
Bhigi hui gaand aur lathpath seena..
.
Ab tumhi batao "Ghalib"..
.
Itni garmi me Koi kaise thoke Hasina......!!??

Submitted By: Imran
By Place: Ahmedabad

SEP

2013

Girl - Mujhe tumhare chutkule bahut pasand hai

Girl :- Mujhe tumhare chutkule bahut pasand hai.!

Boy :- Mujhe bhi tumhare Chut aur Kule bahut pasand hai.!

Nayi soch nayi pasand..

Ek aadmi apni Biwi se bahut pyar karta tha.

Biwi delivery k liye hospital gayi to wo bola -Dr Saab, jitni taklif meri Biwi ko ho rahi h, chahta hu utni taklif mujhe b ho.
Dr usse delivery room me le gaya aur delivery k waqt uski gotiyan Biwi k hath me pakda di...!!
aah aah uhhhh uuhhh aaahh..

SEP

2013

Gujratis are called Gujjus

Gujratis are called Gujjus&
Malyalis are called Mallus
Thank god we dont have a state name
starting with Gandhi.????
JISKO SAMJA WO LIKE KARO BAKI POGO DHEKO POGO....!

SEP

2013

Yeh lijiye lemon wala reusable condom

"Yeh lijiye lemon wala reusable condom!"
"Reusable kaise"

"Isme he Nimbu ki shakti, Jo chiknai hataye, or condom ko fir se usable banaye"

SEP

2013

Father of all non veg

Father of all non veg:
A family was at the dinner table. Son asked his father---' Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there??

Surprised father answered--
'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:? In her 20's, a woman's are like melons??, round and firm.?
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears??, still nice but hanging a bit.?
After 50, they are like onions??'.?

Son--'Onions?'?'
Father---Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'?

This made his wife and daughter mad.

SEP

2013

Jatt milk

Ek bar ek punjabi apani wife se dudh mengata hi, to uski patni kaheti hi ke mukh laga kar peee lo, to we punjabi kahita hi sali esi karan me pani nahey mengata.

SEP

2013

Friend 1 Kal meri girlfriend ka

Friend 1:" Kal meri girlfriend ka
birthday
hai,
uske haath mein kya gift du ??
.
.
.
Friend 2:" Apna de de..
.
.
Friend 1:" Mazaak mat kar, koi badi cheez
bata!
.
.
.
.
Friend 2:" Toh mera de de...

ek din ek chor pehalwan ke ghar chori karne gaya.usko pehlwan ne pakda aur uski gaand mar di aur chor ko bola kal bhi ayyega kya to chor bola bhai chori karta hoon gandua nahi hoon.

SEP

2013

santa ki gand mein foda

ek din santa ki gaand mein foda ho gaya,wo sishe se apni gand ka foda dekhne laga to uska land khada hone laga.santa bola oye be ja be ja apni hi hai.

SEP

2013

Jokes

Neta Ji Ne Bola Tha Ki
"Tum Log Mujhe Khun Do,
Hum Tumko Azadi Dunga.."
.
.
.
.
Main Kahata Hu Ki
"Tum Mujhe Sms Karo,
Me Tume REPLY Dunga.."

SEP

2013

SEP

2013

XX_MsGs During SeX

@XX_MsGs: During SeX

Grl; Uff
Andar
0r
Andar
Thora
Left
Thora
Right
Aahhh
Thora
Uper
0r
Uper

Boy; Janu Chudwa Rahe Ho Y LORRA Parking Me Lagwa Re Ho

SEP

2013

Larka Apne Parents K sath Larki Dekhne Gia

Larka Apne Parents K sath Larki Dekhne Gia
Jab larki milnay ai to woh respect may khara ho gia

Thori dair bad larki ki choti behan milne Aai Toh larke ka chota bhai respect main khara ho gia

Sawal ye hai k larka apne parents k sath Aaya tha phir ye chota bhai kahan se Aa Gia?

Pogo ki Maa ki choot
Mein t

??Not Vulgarity But Knowledge??

In Ancient England,
People Could Not Have Sex Without King's Permission.

To Have A Baby, They Were Supposed To Get King's Consent.

They Were Then Given A Card To Hang On Their Door While Having Sex,

Which Read As:
"Fornication Under The Consent of King" (F.U.C.K.)

So The Word 'Fuck' Came In to Existence..!

Kisi Ko Pata Tha Kya. Nahi Na.

Bas Fuck Fuck Karte Rahte Hai.

Spread This Fucking Knowledge!?????

SEP

2013

Pappu was dating with his new girlfriend in hotel

Pappu was dating with his new girlfriend in hotel
room.
Girl Friend: `I demand good manners in bed, just
like at the dinner table.`
Pappu climbs into bed slowly and says: `Honey,
would you pass the boobs please?`

SEP

2013

Pappu texting to his girlfriend Hey baby whats

Pappu texting to his girlfriend, "Hey baby, what's
up?"
Girlfriend: Nothing much just washing my BOOBS.
Pappu: What?
Girlfriend: Yeah. They have become very dirty.
People are all over them most of the time.
Pappu: What the hell!!!
Girlfriend: Why? Ohhhh fuck... Sorry baby!!!! I
meant BOOTS. Damn this Auto-correct is on!

SEP

2013

MUST READ

MUST READ..
Wife caught Husband sleeping with his girlfriend. Furious and angry she aimed a pistol at her husband.

Husband- Before you do anything silly let me explain. I read Mahatma Gandhi's autobiography last night "My experiments with truth".

He used to sleep with young women to check his will power and control over carnal desires. I was just doing same....

Wife- What was the result..????

Husband- I realized that I'm not Bapu I am Asaram bapu..??????

SEP

2013

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
??????

They were all getting married within a short time period. Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, so she took a promise from them that they will send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few
words on how marital sex felt.
???

The first girl sent a card from KASHMIR two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but "Nescafe"!
?

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
* It said: "Good till the last drop".*
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
???

The second girl sent the card from SHIMLA a week after the wedding,and the card read: "GOLD FLAKE".
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack:
*"Extra Long. King Size"*
????

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in GOA.
Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing.
?

Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "indian Airlines"
Mom took out her latest INDIA TODAY magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Indian airlines?.
The ad said: *"Ten times a day, seven days a week, ??both ways."*
?????

SEP

2013

Girls college k bahar chaatwala

Girls college k bahar chaatwala

1st Girl:"bhaiya chaat

2nd Girl:"bhaiya pahle meri chaat..
.
.
.
3rd Girl:"nai bhaiya phle meri chaat nai to mera period shuru Ho jayega....????

Breastfeeding a Baby

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when a gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on, drink it or... I'll have to give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Yoga Class

School Main Yoga Ki Class Main Madam Yoga Karte Hue Bachcho Se Ek Question Puchti Hai Hai...

Madam: Bachchon Batao, Main Apni Ek Taang Par Kab Aur Kyun Khadi Hoti Hun? Jo Bhi Iska Theek Answer Batayega Uske Practical Main Full Number Lagaungi...

Sabhi Students Sochne Lage... Tabhi Pappu Zor Se Chillaya...

Madam: Bataoo Pappu.

Pappu: Ma'am, Nahane Ke Baad.

Madam: Nahane Ke Baad???

Pappu: Ji Madam, Underwear Pehanne Ke Time Aur Utarne Ke Time.

Teacher Shocks, Pappu Rocks!!!

Pappu Aur Shaitan

Ek Bar Pappu Ne Socha Ki Bhagwan Ki Pooja Toh Sab Karte Hain Karte Hain... Kyun Na Main Shaitan Ki Pooja Karun? Ho Sakta Hai Wo Free Ho Aur Khus Hokar Meri Kuch Wishes Puri Kar Dein.

Pappu Ne 1 Saal Tak Tapsya Ki.

Ek Saal Ke Baad Shaitan Pappu Tapasya Se Khush Hokar Uske Samne Aaya...

Shaitan: Vats Main Tumse Khush Hua... 3 Vardaan Maang Lo...

Pappu: 3 Nahin, Mujhe 100 Vardan Chahiye.

Shaitan: Vats Main Kewal 3 Hi De Sakta Hun... Lena Hai Toh Le Nahi Toh Mai Chala.

Pappu: (Ek Minute Soch Kar) Achcha Aapke Hath Main Jo Gada Hai Vo Danda Ban Jaye.

Shaitan: Tathastu!!! Ab Dusri Wish Bolo?

Pappu: Is Dande Ko Apni Pichche Daal Lo, Andar Tak...

Shaitan: (Confused) Tathastu, Aab Jaldi Se Teesri Wish Maang Saale... Bahut Dard Ho Raha Hai.

Pappu, Smiles and Says: Oue Shaitaan... Ab Bol Baaki Ki 97 Wishes Dega Ya Phir Is Dande Ko Andar Hi 'Gada' Banwa Dun???

Special Talent

In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at.

The next day the Teacher calls on Mary.

Mary got up and said, "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years.

The teacher told Mary that was very good.

After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say.

She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent.

He stood up and said, "This is my special talent." Then he stuck his tongue out.

The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand. How is your tongue a special talent?!?"

Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!"

jokes

Red Roses

Benefits of Being a Woman

Happy New Year!!!

50th Wedding Anniversary

The Fiance

Words With a Desi Twist

Idiotic Travel Complaints

Yes or No ?

The maid!!

A man while making love to his maid, exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'

The maid smiled and said 'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth which is 6" long and move it in and out and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me. i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

Romantic

Can we do romance in the midnight today? I'm in a good mood:) Just a little bit of kissing and biting!! Reply me soon, yours Loving Mosquito.

Money!!

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired,

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

"I thought It was MONEY"

Boy1:Meet my wife Tina Boy2.Oh! I know her Boy1:How? Boy2:v were caught sleeping together Boy1:What the hell? Boy2.during lecture in maths class

Think +ve:)

In a party a lady wanted to go to toilet so she inquired with a sardar papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,

sardarji replied u naughty pehle tum dikhao.

2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said "Na my wife is better." 2nd went in and came out n said "U R right ur wife is much better."

Catch her by her waist... Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a ... ...nice drink...PEPSI

NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH after BLOOD TEST. THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING . NURSE:y r u DANCING. SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

Sardar on phone:

Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Sardar: No this is her husband speaking��

Let me kiss ur lips, let me feel ur teeth, let me feel ur tongue. SMILE! This is ur friend "PEPSODENT" reminding you to brush ur teeth, Twice a day Everyday :)

Interesting line on girl's T-shirt

Most interesting line written on the front of T-shirt of a girl, . . . . . . . Excuse me ! My face is above.;-)

Cheating kion ?

Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

Difference between stress, tension & panic

3 FEELINGS what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant

Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok? Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

"If U Didn't Get It Go Watch Pogo":p

A junior needs a name

Love is a gamble, Sex is a game, Boyz do the thing Girls get the blame, 1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain 1 day in hospital and a junior needs a name

What's an average 6 inch long

What's an average 6 inch long Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up? ? ? ? ? A:1000- rupee currency note.! Always think positive

Last nite i went 2 bed without u...cold,naked...

Lastnite i went 2 bed without u.. cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u "lastnite"

Come here, take off your pants and knickers

Come here,

Always start your day with a lot of S E X ...

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

In a bothroom, boy touches a girl everywhere

In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap! Dirty people always think dirty.

I want to suck you ... lick you

I want to suck you lick you wanna move my tongue all over you wanna feel you in my mouth yep, that's how you eat an ice cream!

santa aur banta k bich mai fight ho rahi thi

Breastfeeding a Baby

Yoga Class

Pappu Aur Shaitan

Special Talent

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A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'

The maid smiled and said
'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words

Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,

She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,

sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."

Catch her by her waist...
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a ...
...nice drink...PEPSI

NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

Let me kiss ur lips,
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
"PEPSODENT"
reminding you to brush ur teeth,
Twice a day Everyday :)

Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)

Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?
Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant.

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name

What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive

Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..
cold,naked,thinking of u,
missing ur warmth,
ur soft touch against my skin.
Where were u "lastnite"

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

In a bath room,
a boy touches a girl everywhere!
You Know whose that boy?
Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.

I want to suck you
lick you
wanna move my tongue all over you
wanna feel you in my mouth
yep, that's how you
eat an ice cream!